Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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