You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
