hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
