So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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