Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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