I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
