thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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