someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
