Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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