i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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