There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
