I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
