my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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