it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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