So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
