well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
