my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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