he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
