Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize