she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
