wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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