It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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