sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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