Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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