It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
