It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Barsexuality is the new black.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
