video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
