He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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