dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize