is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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