My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
