another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
