Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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