so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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