I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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