he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize