I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
