why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
