I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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