she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
