I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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