So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
