i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
