You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
