If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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