just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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