anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
