My balls are so social today.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
