I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
