So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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