It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
