Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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