Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize