The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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