i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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