Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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