this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
