she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
