I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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