Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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