Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
