you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
