That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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