We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
