JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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