he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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