Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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