what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have started to decorate penises.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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