well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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