Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize