I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
