instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
