so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
