i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
