They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't deserve a penis
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
