So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
