Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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