Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize