just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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