batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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