R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
