She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
