Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
