I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
