I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
