I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize