Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She made me pour olive oil on her.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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