so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
