even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
