if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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