Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
