Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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