I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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