so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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