my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
