Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
