Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All I want is dick and wine.
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