So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
