dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize